The LEAP IN model is a structured communication framework for difficult conversations.
It stands for Listen, Empathise, Ask, Paraphrase, Input and Name.
It’s based on Dr. Xavier Amador and George J. Thompson’s LEAP’s model, and has been further developed by St Ethelburga’s team to include steps for asserting your own perspective, based on tried and tested conflict-resolution techniques. Each step helps keep the conversation respectful and constructive.
Give the speaker your full, undivided attention. Don’t interrupt or jump in with counter-arguments. Instead, use body language (nodding, eye-contact) and short acknowledgments (“mm-hmm”) to show you’re paying attention.
Acknowledge the other person’s feelings or point of view, even if you don’t agree. Say something that shows you understand how they feel. Empathising helps the other person feel heard, which lowers their defenses and keeps the dialogue open.Give the speaker your full, undivided attention. Don’t interrupt or jump in with counter-arguments. Instead, use body language (nodding, eye-contact) and short acknowledgments (“mm-hmm”) to show you’re paying attention.
Invite the other person to explain more. Use open-ended questions (those that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”) to learn what’s really on their mind. For example: “What part of this issue concerns you most?” or “Can you tell me more about why you feel that way?” This shows genuine interest (you’re asking to understand) and encourages them to share the underlying values or fears behind their statements.
After they speak, repeat back in your own words what you heard, to check understanding. This step (reflecting their message) not only confirms you’re listening, but also lets them correct you if you misunderstood. Paraphrasing can sound like: “It sounds like …” or “You’re saying that …” – phrases that signal you are capturing their meaning.
When it’s your turn to speak, frame your thoughts in terms of your own experience and feelings, not as a judgment on the other person. Using “I” rather than “you” keeps the tone personal and non-accusatory. Research shows that I-statements and expressing your perspective calmly greatly reduce defensiveness and hostility[4]. They convey “this is my view” rather than “you are wrong.”
Find and state something you both agree on. This might be a shared value, a mutual concern, or a common goal. By explicitly naming this point of agreement, you create a sense of connection and show that you’re listening. This step builds trust – reminding both of you that, despite differences, you’re not on opposite sides of everything. Instead of critiquing the other person’s view, explain how your opinion flows from a shared principle. This helps them hear your point as sincere and values-driven, rather than oppositional—showing that your stance is not in conflict with theirs, but part of a shared moral framework.
Together, these steps lead to more constructive and respectful conversations. You begin by listening and building empathy, then move to asking thoughtful questions and paraphrasing to show understanding. Once the other person feels heard, you introduce your own perspective using I-statements, linking your view to the values you both named and grounding it in shared principles.
In short: LEAP IN helps shift conversations from arguments to dialogue—by pairing active listening (Listen–Empathise–Ask–Paraphrase) with thoughtful expression (I-statement–Name–Ground).
Now, we invite you to put your LEAP IN skills into practice by engaging in an exercise that models how to have a conversation across differences. Each scenario has a “Listening Practice” section (focusing on L, E, A, P) and a “Speaking Practice” section (focusing on I and N).
Context:
At a family gathering, the TV is on in the background playing a live debate show. A guest on the panel argues that more needs to be done to stop migrants crossing the English Channel illegally in small boats, describing the situation as “out of control.” Your cousin, who is very sympathetic to refugees, frowns at the mention of stricter border enforcement and says:
“This is just so cruel. These people are risking everything to find safety, and we’re treating them like criminals. Most are fleeing war or persecution, not looking for handouts. Instead of helping, we’re spending millions trying to push them away. I just don’t understand how anyone can see families in those boats and think punishment is the answer. What frustrates me most is how politicians and the media keep blowing this up like it’s the country’s biggest problem. It’s not — and going on and on about it like this is just fuelling fear and division, and it ends up hurting minority communities who already face prejudice. It feels like compassion has completely gone out of fashion.”
Your cousin is upset at the mention of stricter border enforcement given the impact this will have on migrants. What is the best listening/empathetic response to start?
Not quite. Answer B is best.
Response B paraphrases and empathises by reflecting not just your cousin’s feelings but the deeper concerns behind them. This kind of response shows that you’ve truly listened and understood what matters most to her. In LEAP IN, the first step is Listen/Empathise — to build trust and emotional safety, not to correct or counter. By choosing B, you show genuine curiosity and care, creating the foundation for an open, values-based conversation across difference.
Correct - Answer B is best.
Response B paraphrases and empathises by reflecting not just your cousin’s feelings but the deeper concerns behind them. This kind of response shows that you’ve truly listened and understood what matters most to her. In LEAP IN, the first step is Listen/Empathise — to build trust and emotional safety, not to correct or counter. By choosing B, you show genuine curiosity and care, creating the foundation for an open, values-based conversation across difference.
Not quite. Answer B is best.
Response B paraphrases and empathises by reflecting not just your cousin’s feelings but the deeper concerns behind them. This kind of response shows that you’ve truly listened and understood what matters most to her. In LEAP IN, the first step is Listen/Empathise — to build trust and emotional safety, not to correct or counter. By choosing B, you show genuine curiosity and care, creating the foundation for an open, values-based conversation across difference.
Not quite. Answer B is best.
Response B paraphrases and empathises by reflecting not just your cousin’s feelings but the deeper concerns behind them. This kind of response shows that you’ve truly listened and understood what matters most to her. In LEAP IN, the first step is Listen/Empathise — to build trust and emotional safety, not to correct or counter. By choosing B, you show genuine curiosity and care, creating the foundation for an open, values-based conversation across difference.
Your cousin nods and continues passionately: “Exactly. These people risk everything to come here, and instead of showing compassion, we treat them like a threat. It’s dangerous and irresponsible the way the media keeps focusing on this issue — they play on people’s fears and make communities turn against each other. You can already see how it’s fuelling the far right and giving extremists something to feed on. Politicians know this, but they keep doing it because it wins them votes. It’s not just unfair, it’s reckless. Every time the headlines scream about ‘small boats’ or an ‘invasion’, it makes ordinary people more fearful and angry, and that just pushes the country further apart. I honestly think the way we talk about this issue is doing more damage than the issue itself. You’ve listened. What is your best open question now?
Correct - Answer A is best.
It asks an open, non-judgmental question that shows genuine curiosity about your cousin’s deeper worries and values. By saying, “What concerns you most…”, you invite her to explain what drives her feelings, without interrupting or arguing. This reflects the Ask step in LEAP IN: staying open to understanding before sharing your own view. Options B, C, and D, while all factually grounded, move too quickly into advocacy or argument. By choosing A, you stay in a position of curiosity and connection, keeping your cousin open to deeper dialogue rather than defensiveness.
Not quite. Answer A is best.
It asks an open, non-judgmental question that shows genuine curiosity about your cousin’s deeper worries and values. By saying, “What concerns you most…”, you invite her to explain what drives her feelings, without interrupting or arguing. This reflects the Ask step in LEAP IN: staying open to understanding before sharing your own view. Options B, C, and D, while all factually grounded, move too quickly into advocacy or argument. By choosing A, you stay in a position of curiosity and connection, keeping your cousin open to deeper dialogue rather than defensiveness.
Not quite. Answer A is best.
First, you start by demonstrating again that you’re listening and that you empathise with his perspective. Then, you ask an open-ended question, without any criticism or judgement. This signals to your uncle that it is safe for him to share more of his perspective with you and invites him to explain his deeper concerns.
Not quite. Answer A is best.
It asks an open, non-judgmental question that shows genuine curiosity about your cousin’s deeper worries and values. By saying, “What concerns you most…”, you invite her to explain what drives her feelings, without interrupting or arguing. This reflects the Ask step in LEAP IN: staying open to understanding before sharing your own view. Options B, C, and D, while all factually grounded, move too quickly into advocacy or argument. By choosing A, you stay in a position of curiosity and connection, keeping your cousin open to deeper dialogue rather than defensiveness.
Now that you’ve listened, empathised, asked and paraphrased, it’s your turn to share your perspective using LEAP IN techniques. You start to respond. Which of these is the best first statement to name where you agree?
Not quite. Answer D is best.
This statement begins by naming shared values — fairness, safety, humanity, and wanting the best for everyone. This reflects the Name step of LEAP IN which focuses on connection before perspective. By highlighting mutual concerns (“fair” and “humane”), you show your cousin that you’re not dismissing her compassion, and that you care about decency too. This establishes trust and openness before you share your own view. Options A–C all present legitimate, fact-based arguments. However, all three skip the crucial LEAP IN step of finding connection first. They assert positions instead of acknowledging shared values or emotions, which risks closing down the dialogue. By choosing D, you build rapport and keep the focus on shared humanity — the foundation for a constructive, values-based conversation.
Not quite. Answer D is best.
This statement begins by naming shared values — fairness, safety, humanity, and wanting the best for everyone. This reflects the Name step of LEAP IN which focuses on connection before perspective. By highlighting mutual concerns (“fair” and “humane”), you show your cousin that you’re not dismissing her compassion, and that you care about decency too. This establishes trust and openness before you share your own view. Options A–C all present legitimate, fact-based arguments. However, all three skip the crucial LEAP IN step of finding connection first. They assert positions instead of acknowledging shared values or emotions, which risks closing down the dialogue. By choosing D, you build rapport and keep the focus on shared humanity — the foundation for a constructive, values-based conversation.
Not quite. Answer D is best.
This statement begins by naming shared values — fairness, safety, humanity, and wanting the best for everyone. This reflects the Name step of LEAP IN which focuses on connection before perspective. By highlighting mutual concerns (“fair” and “humane”), you show your cousin that you’re not dismissing her compassion, and that you care about decency too. This establishes trust and openness before you share your own view. Options A–C all present legitimate, fact-based arguments. However, all three skip the crucial LEAP IN step of finding connection first. They assert positions instead of acknowledging shared values or emotions, which risks closing down the dialogue. By choosing D, you build rapport and keep the focus on shared humanity — the foundation for a constructive, values-based conversation.
Correct - Answer D is best.
This statement begins by naming shared values — fairness, safety, humanity, and wanting the best for everyone. This reflects the Name step of LEAP IN which focuses on connection before perspective. By highlighting mutual concerns (“fair” and “humane”), you show your cousin that you’re not dismissing her compassion, and that you care about decency too. This establishes trust and openness before you share your own view. Options A–C all present legitimate, fact-based arguments. However, all three skip the crucial LEAP IN step of finding connection first. They assert positions instead of acknowledging shared values or emotions, which risks closing down the dialogue. By choosing D, you build rapport and keep the focus on shared humanity — the foundation for a constructive, values-based conversation.
Having named your shared values, now it’s time to offer your input, making sure you use I-statements and that you ground what you say in the shared values you have identified. Which is the best way to do that respectfully?
Not quite - Answer C is best.
Response C uses I-statements (“I agree…”, “I want…”, “I think…”) to express a personal, thoughtful viewpoint rather than an argument. It recognises your cousin’s concerns about compassion and safety while also naming the pressures that can arise when systems are overstretched. By grounding your view in shared values like fairness, safety, and care for everyone in the country, you show genuine empathy for both asylum seekers and local communities. This is a strong example of the Input and Name steps in LEAP IN: you offer your perspective honestly, link it to mutual values, and model a more balanced, humane way of talking about a polarising issue.
Not quite. Answer C is best.
Response C uses I-statements (“I agree…”, “I want…”, “I think…”) to express a personal, thoughtful viewpoint rather than an argument. It recognises your cousin’s concerns about compassion and safety while also naming the pressures that can arise when systems are overstretched. By grounding your view in shared values like fairness, safety, and care for everyone in the country, you show genuine empathy for both asylum seekers and local communities. This is a strong example of the Input and Name steps in LEAP IN: you offer your perspective honestly, link it to mutual values, and model a more balanced, humane way of talking about a polarising issue.
Correct - Answer C is best.
C models the key skills of this stage - sharing your input using I-statements and naming your shared values. It begins by recognising the other person’s valid concern about safety (“I can understand there are real challenges…”) before offering a personal reflection rooted in fairness, security, and compassion. By mentioning friends affected by the issue, it brings sincerity and emotional depth without blaming or lecturing. This approach helps you to build genuine connection with your Uncle, showing where your values align and framing the issue of security as something you both care about and could try to tackle together.
Not quite. Answer C is best.
Response C uses I-statements (“I agree…”, “I want…”, “I think…”) to express a personal, thoughtful viewpoint rather than an argument. It recognises your cousin’s concerns about compassion and safety while also naming the pressures that can arise when systems are overstretched. By grounding your view in shared values like fairness, safety, and care for everyone in the country, you show genuine empathy for both asylum seekers and local communities. This is a strong example of the Input and Name steps in LEAP IN: you offer your perspective honestly, link it to mutual values, and model a more balanced, humane way of talking about a polarising issue.
Your cousin responds: “I get what you’re saying, but I don’t think the problem is the people arriving; it’s the way the system is managed and how the issue’s been framed. The numbers are actually manageable compared to other countries, but we keep hearing that it’s ‘out of control,’ and that language just feeds panic. Honestly, I think the fear and hostility are doing more harm than migration itself. Most of these people just want to work, contribute, and live safely. If we invested properly in processing claims and integration instead of treating them like a threat, we’d reduce tension and make communities feel safer, not the other way around.”
Not quite. Answer B is best.
B begins by naming shared values — humanity and safety for everyone. By acknowledging that compassion must extend both to those seeking refuge and to people already living here, it builds trust and balance. The response then moves beyond blame to explore what’s really driving public fear: rapid change, overstretched services, and communities feeling ignored. This approach recognises legitimate anxieties without endorsing hostility. It’s a clear example of a LEAP IN— listening first, finding shared moral ground, and speaking with calm honesty rather than opposition.
Correct - Answer B is best.
B begins by naming shared values — humanity and safety for everyone. By acknowledging that compassion must extend both to those seeking refuge and to people already living here, it builds trust and balance. The response then moves beyond blame to explore what’s really driving public fear: rapid change, overstretched services, and communities feeling ignored. This approach recognises legitimate anxieties without endorsing hostility. It’s a clear example of a LEAP IN— listening first, finding shared moral ground, and speaking with calm honesty rather than opposition.
Not quite. Answer B is best.
B begins by naming shared values — humanity and safety for everyone. By acknowledging that compassion must extend both to those seeking refuge and to people already living here, it builds trust and balance. The response then moves beyond blame to explore what’s really driving public fear: rapid change, overstretched services, and communities feeling ignored. This approach recognises legitimate anxieties without endorsing hostility. It’s a clear example of a LEAP IN— listening first, finding shared moral ground, and speaking with calm honesty rather than opposition.
Not quite. Answer B is best.
B begins by naming shared values — humanity and safety for everyone. By acknowledging that compassion must extend both to those seeking refuge and to people already living here, it builds trust and balance. The response then moves beyond blame to explore what’s really driving public fear: rapid change, overstretched services, and communities feeling ignored. This approach recognises legitimate anxieties without endorsing hostility. It’s a clear example of a LEAP IN— listening first, finding shared moral ground, and speaking with calm honesty rather than opposition.
Give the speaker your full, undivided attention. Don’t interrupt or jump in with counter-arguments.
Acknowledge the other person’s feelings or point of view, even if you don’t agree. Say something that shows you understand how they feel.
Invite the other person to explain more. Use open-ended questions to learn what’s really on their mind.
After they speak, repeat back in your own words what you heard, to check understanding.
When it’s your turn to speak, frame your thoughts in terms of your own experience and feelings, not as a judgment on the other person.
Find and state something you both agree on. This might be a shared value, a mutual concern, or a common goal.