The LEAP IN model is a structured communication framework for difficult conversations.
It stands for Listen, Empathise, Ask, Paraphrase, Input and Name.
It’s based on Dr. Xavier Amador and George J. Thompson’s LEAP’s model, and has been further developed by St Ethelburga’s team to include steps for asserting your own perspective, based on tried and tested conflict-resolution techniques. Each step helps keep the conversation respectful and constructive.
Give the speaker your full, undivided attention. Don’t interrupt or jump in with counter-arguments. Instead, use body language (nodding, eye-contact) and short acknowledgments (“mm-hmm”) to show you’re paying attention.
Acknowledge the other person’s feelings or point of view, even if you don’t agree. Say something that shows you understand how they feel. Empathising helps the other person feel heard, which lowers their defenses and keeps the dialogue open.Give the speaker your full, undivided attention. Don’t interrupt or jump in with counter-arguments. Instead, use body language (nodding, eye-contact) and short acknowledgments (“mm-hmm”) to show you’re paying attention.
Invite the other person to explain more. Use open-ended questions (those that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”) to learn what’s really on their mind. For example: “What part of this issue concerns you most?” or “Can you tell me more about why you feel that way?” This shows genuine interest (you’re asking to understand) and encourages them to share the underlying values or fears behind their statements.
After they speak, repeat back in your own words what you heard, to check understanding. This step (reflecting their message) not only confirms you’re listening, but also lets them correct you if you misunderstood. Paraphrasing can sound like: “It sounds like …” or “You’re saying that …” – phrases that signal you are capturing their meaning.
When it’s your turn to speak, frame your thoughts in terms of your own experience and feelings, not as a judgment on the other person. Using “I” rather than “you” keeps the tone personal and non-accusatory. Research shows that I-statements and expressing your perspective calmly greatly reduce defensiveness and hostility[4]. They convey “this is my view” rather than “you are wrong.”
Find and state something you both agree on. This might be a shared value, a mutual concern, or a common goal. By explicitly naming this point of agreement, you create a sense of connection and show that you’re listening. This step builds trust – reminding both of you that, despite differences, you’re not on opposite sides of everything. Instead of critiquing the other person’s view, explain how your opinion flows from a shared principle. This helps them hear your point as sincere and values-driven, rather than oppositional—showing that your stance is not in conflict with theirs, but part of a shared moral framework.
Together, these steps lead to more constructive and respectful conversations. You begin by listening and building empathy, then move to asking thoughtful questions and paraphrasing to show understanding. Once the other person feels heard, you introduce your own perspective using I-statements, linking your view to the values you both named and grounding it in shared principles.
In short: LEAP IN helps shift conversations from arguments to dialogue—by pairing active listening (Listen–Empathise–Ask–Paraphrase) with thoughtful expression (I-statement–Name–Ground).
Now, we invite you to put your LEAP IN skills into practice by engaging in an exercise that models how to have a conversation across differences. Each scenario has a “Listening Practice” section (focusing on L, E, A, P) and a “Speaking Practice” section (focusing on I and N).
Context:
At a family gathering, the TV is on in the background playing a live debate show. A guest on the panel argues that more needs to be done to stop migrants crossing the English Channel illegally in small boats, describing the situation as “out of control.” Your uncle, who supports a tough approach to immigration, nods and says:“He’s right. We have to do something about all these illegal immigrants. It is out of control! There are tens of thousands of crossings every year. We don't know who these migrants are, where they come from or what their values are.”
Your uncle is concerned about illegal immigration, and he starts by saying the situation is “out of control”. Based on LEAP IN skills, which response is best to start by listening?
Not quite. Answer B is best.
This response paraphrases and acknowledges his concern (“you’re worried… out of control”), which shows active listening and empathy without judgment. It mirrors his words to confirm understanding. All the other choices either challenge or argue (“Where’s the evidence?”), which would likely put him on the defensive. By contrast, B signals, “I hear you,” helping him feel understood. When people feel heard, they are usually more open to continuing the conversation calmly.
Correct - Answer B is best.
This response paraphrases and acknowledges his concern (“you’re worried… out of control”), which shows active listening and empathy without judgment. It mirrors his words to confirm understanding. All the other choices either challenge or argue (“Where’s the evidence?”), which would likely put him on the defensive. By contrast, B signals, “I hear you,” helping him feel understood. When people feel heard, they are usually more open to continuing the conversation calmly.
Not quite. Answer B is best.
This response paraphrases and acknowledges his concern (“you’re worried… out of control”), which shows active listening and empathy without judgment. It mirrors his words to confirm understanding. All the other choices either challenge or argue (“Where’s the evidence?”), which would likely put him on the defensive. By contrast, B signals, “I hear you,” helping him feel understood. When people feel heard, they are usually more open to continuing the conversation calmly.
Not quite. Answer B is best.
This response paraphrases and acknowledges his concern (“you’re worried… out of control”), which shows active listening and empathy without judgment. It mirrors his words to confirm understanding. All the other choices either challenge or argue (“Where’s the evidence?”), which would likely put him on the defensive. By contrast, B signals, “I hear you,” helping him feel understood. When people feel heard, they are usually more open to continuing the conversation calmly.
Your uncle continues: “Exactly. From what I’ve seen, a lot of the people coming over here have their own belief system - and that’s fair enough, but it clearly doesn’t match up with ours and they don’t do enough to integrate into the Western worldview. Multiculturalism only works if you have a well managed system. People need to be vetted - otherwise, it’s a huge security risk.” You’ve been listening so far. What is the best open question now?
Correct - Answer A is best.
First, you start by demonstrating again that you’re listening and that you empathise with his perspective. Then, you ask an open-ended question, without any criticism or judgement. This signals to your uncle that it is safe for him to share more of his perspective with you and invites him to explain his deeper concerns.
Not quite. Answer A is best.
First, you start by demonstrating again that you’re listening and that you empathise with his perspective. Then, you ask an open-ended question, without any criticism or judgement. This signals to your uncle that it is safe for him to share more of his perspective with you and invites him to explain his deeper concerns.
Not quite. Answer A is best.
First, you start by demonstrating again that you’re listening and that you empathise with his perspective. Then, you ask an open-ended question, without any criticism or judgement. This signals to your uncle that it is safe for him to share more of his perspective with you and invites him to explain his deeper concerns.
Not quite. Answer A is best.
First, you start by demonstrating again that you’re listening and that you empathise with his perspective. Then, you ask an open-ended question, without any criticism or judgement. This signals to your uncle that it is safe for him to share more of his perspective with you and invites him to explain his deeper concerns.
Now that you’ve listened, empathised, asked and paraphrased, it’s your turn to share your perspective using LEAP IN techniques. Which of these is the best first statement to name where you agree?
Not quite. Answer D is best.
This statement names a shared concern — that you both care about making the country as safe as possible for all people. Starting with agreement shows respect and builds rapport. It communicates: “We share common values." Options A–C fail to follow the Name step of LEAP IN because they jump straight into stating facts or argumentation. By contrast, D begins with connection rather than correction. It helps your uncle feel heard and sets a constructive tone for the rest of the discussion.
Not quite. Answer D is best.
This statement names a shared concern — that you both care about making the country as safe as possible for all people. Starting with agreement shows respect and builds rapport. It communicates: “We share common values." Options A–C fail to follow the Name step of LEAP IN because they jump straight into stating facts or argumentation. By contrast, D begins with connection rather than correction. It helps your uncle feel heard and sets a constructive tone for the rest of the discussion.
Not quite. Answer D is best.
This statement names a shared concern — that you both care about making the country as safe as possible for all people. Starting with agreement shows respect and builds rapport. It communicates: “We share common values." Options A–C fail to follow the Name step of LEAP IN because they jump straight into stating facts or argumentation. By contrast, D begins with connection rather than correction. It helps your uncle feel heard and sets a constructive tone for the rest of the discussion.
Correct - Answer D is best.
This statement names a shared concern — that you both care about making the country as safe as possible for all people. Starting with agreement shows respect and builds rapport. It communicates: “We share common values." Options A–C fail to follow the Name step of LEAP IN because they jump straight into stating facts or argumentation. By contrast, D begins with connection rather than correction. It helps your uncle feel heard and sets a constructive tone for the rest of the discussion.
Having named your shared values, now it’s time to offer your perspective, making sure you use I-statements and that you ground what you say in the shared values you have identified. Which is the best way to do that respectfully?
Not quite - Answer C is best.
C models the key skills of this stage - sharing your input using I-statements and naming your shared values. It begins by recognising the other person’s valid concern about safety (“I can understand there are real challenges…”) before offering a personal reflection rooted in fairness, security, and compassion. By mentioning friends affected by the issue, it brings sincerity and emotional depth without blaming or lecturing. This approach helps you to build genuine connection with your Uncle, showing where your values align and framing the issue of security as something you both care about and could try to tackle together.
Not quite. Answer C is best.
C models the key skills of this stage - sharing your input using I-statements and naming your shared values. It begins by recognising the other person’s valid concern about safety (“I can understand there are real challenges…”) before offering a personal reflection rooted in fairness, security, and compassion. By mentioning friends affected by the issue, it brings sincerity and emotional depth without blaming or lecturing. This approach helps you to build genuine connection with your Uncle, showing where your values align and framing the issue of security as something you both care about and could try to tackle together.
Correct - Answer C is best.
C models the key skills of this stage - sharing your input using I-statements and naming your shared values. It begins by recognising the other person’s valid concern about safety (“I can understand there are real challenges…”) before offering a personal reflection rooted in fairness, security, and compassion. By mentioning friends affected by the issue, it brings sincerity and emotional depth without blaming or lecturing. This approach helps you to build genuine connection with your Uncle, showing where your values align and framing the issue of security as something you both care about and could try to tackle together.
Not quite. Answer C is best.
C models the key skills of this stage - sharing your input using I-statements and naming your shared values. It begins by recognising the other person’s valid concern about safety (“I can understand there are real challenges…”) before offering a personal reflection rooted in fairness, security, and compassion. By mentioning friends affected by the issue, it brings sincerity and emotional depth without blaming or lecturing. This approach helps you to build genuine connection with your Uncle, showing where your values align and framing the issue of security as something you both care about and could try to tackle together.
Your uncle frowns and says: “I get what you’re saying, I really do — and I’m sorry to hear your friends don’t feel safe. No one should feel that way in this country. But you have to understand why people are angry. It’s not just about a few boats — it’s about everything that comes with it. We’ve got record migration numbers, the asylum system is costing billions, and meanwhile people here can’t get housing or NHS appointments. We’re told there’s no money for services, but somehow there’s money for hotels. There’s also a sense that our values — fairness, law and order, even free speech — are eroding, and that the government isn’t being honest with us. When people see chaos at the border, it feels like a symbol of a country that’s lost control. If we don’t get a grip, the extremists on all sides will keep exploiting that anger.”
Not quite. Answer B is best.
B begins with genuine empathy (“I hear you”) and shows that you’ve really understood what’s driving your uncle’s concerns — not just frustration about small boats, but deeper worries about fairness, safety, trust, and national values. It acknowledges that sense of order and security as legitimate, rather than dismissing it. Then it carefully introduces your own perspective using I-statements (“For me, the question is…”, “One way that might help…”) and not only names your shared value of security but also offers a solution that might help to address it. This makes B a model of how to LEAP IN by staying values-based, curious, and solution-oriented.
Correct - Answer B is best.
B begins with genuine empathy (“I hear you”) and shows that you’ve really understood what’s driving your uncle’s concerns — not just frustration about small boats, but deeper worries about fairness, safety, trust, and national values. It acknowledges that sense of order and security as legitimate, rather than dismissing it. Then it carefully introduces your own perspective using I-statements (“For me, the question is…”, “One way that might help…”) and not only names your shared value of security but also offers a solution that might help to address it. This makes B a model of how to LEAP IN by staying values-based, curious, and solution-oriented.
Not quite. Answer B is best.
B begins with genuine empathy (“I hear you”) and shows that you’ve really understood what’s driving your uncle’s concerns — not just frustration about small boats, but deeper worries about fairness, safety, trust, and national values. It acknowledges that sense of order and security as legitimate, rather than dismissing it. Then it carefully introduces your own perspective using I-statements (“For me, the question is…”, “One way that might help…”) and not only names your shared value of security but also offers a solution that might help to address it. This makes B a model of how to LEAP IN by staying values-based, curious, and solution-oriented.
Not quite. Answer B is best.
B begins with genuine empathy (“I hear you”) and shows that you’ve really understood what’s driving your uncle’s concerns — not just frustration about small boats, but deeper worries about fairness, safety, trust, and national values. It acknowledges that sense of order and security as legitimate, rather than dismissing it. Then it carefully introduces your own perspective using I-statements (“For me, the question is…”, “One way that might help…”) and not only names your shared value of security but also offers a solution that might help to address it. This makes B a model of how to LEAP IN by staying values-based, curious, and solution-oriented.
Give the speaker your full, undivided attention. Don’t interrupt or jump in with counter-arguments.
Acknowledge the other person’s feelings or point of view, even if you don’t agree. Say something that shows you understand how they feel.
Invite the other person to explain more. Use open-ended questions to learn what’s really on their mind.
After they speak, repeat back in your own words what you heard, to check understanding.
When it’s your turn to speak, frame your thoughts in terms of your own experience and feelings, not as a judgment on the other person.
Find and state something you both agree on. This might be a shared value, a mutual concern, or a common goal.